The Pygmy Giant

by Tom Offland

So I’m teaching these classes now called relaxing into the delight of buses. I have these dreams where I am made of concrete and termite size buses are swarming all over me. We don’t have a lot here but we make the best of it. I like to play the sound of traffic when I am teaching. I get these droning cassette tapes air-mailed from Brixton. When the students listen to them they curl up close to their knees and shut their eyes. I get these dreams where I am a sort of termites nest built on the back seats of a bus and as the bus drives all my termites are being shaken loose. Basically what we’re trying to do here is teach these students how to feel loved. Some days we set up the big bus windows against the walls. I have these dreams where I am a termite exterminator but I also drive the number 322 bus.

So we called these classes relaxing into the delight of buses and when we say delight we really mean it. I have these dreams where I am a glowing planet and I ride the night buses to illuminate the road. Above all else what we are trying to do here is effect a change. I like to hold these group sessions where we all practise saying hi to the driver. Sometimes I wear a real driver’s uniform and the students howl at me as though being blessed. I have these dreams where South-East London is a glowing planet and the night buses are black spots and scratches moving on its surface. When I am in my uniform and the big bus windows are up and the traffic tapes are playing, it’s hard to remember we’re still in the room. I have these dreams where the night buses are glowing planets and I am riding them and all I know of myself is a kind of warmth.

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Tom Offland lives in London. He keeps a blog at www.happyhealthynormal.tumblr.com