by John Ritchie
‘Waste not, want not’ is the motto of the HRRD. The Human Resources Recycling Department of the Republic of the British Isles.
We are, in a very real sense, a quango, in that, although we serve the nation as a whole, we are not directly affiliated to President Mitchell’s government. We are one of those shadowy organisations that operates below the social horizon: essential, but unacknowledged. We deal with the flotsam and jetsam of the sea of humanity, clearing the high water mark of debris while Britain sleeps.
But we do not simply discard what we collect, we use it in meaningful ways. There are a number of recycling centres around Britain that process the detrius we gather. Sorting and classifying and then redistributing as appropriate.
A triage system operates where the dead are sent to teaching hospitals or animal food factories depending on the condition of the remains. The severely affected addicts are set aside immediately for experimental medical and military facilities, there is, after all, in the final stages of experimentation, no substitute for warm bodies, while the less severely addicted are assessed for possible recovery programs. In the event members of this group are recoverable they are assigned to the labour battalions that are so eagerly sought after by developing nations.
In this way the HRRD serves Britain, serves humanity and serves the world.
If any of you children wish to join our organisation as an alternative to your compulsory decade of military service please indicate now.
John Ritchie spent over two decades in military service. He couldn’t find the way out!