Fly on the wall

by Jonathan Pinnock

The fly crawled up the wall, lugging the equipment behind it.

“Watch what you’re doing with that,” said the sound engineer, ducking out of the way.

“Sorry.”

“Anyway, what’s on the schedule for today?”

The director flew in, consulting his clipboard. “Mating,” he said.

“Ew,” said the camerafly. “That’s so gross.”

“Yeah, but the viewers love it, especially now we can do it in full flyvision. Those compound lenses don’t come cheap, and we’ve got to justify them to the beancounters. So mating it is.”

“I’m feeling sick already,” said the camerafly.

“Oh, don’t be such a wuss,” said the sound engineer.

“It’s easy for you – all you’ve got to do is listen to them. I have to watch the whole thing.”

“Hang on,” said the director. “Here they come now. Get everything set up. Quick!”

“I’m picking up a buzzing,” said the sound engineer. “Who’s buzzing? Will whoever’s buzzing please stop?”

“Well, I’m n–” began the camerafly.

“Ssssh!”

All three held their breath. “I’m still picking it up,” said the sound engineer.

“Crap!” said the director, “It’s the producer. What’s he come here for? Hey! Can you be quiet for a minute – ?”

“Sorry?” said the producer, flying towards them. “Did you say something?”

“I said – ”

“We’ve got incoming,” said the camerafly. “They’ve heard us and they’ve got a spray.”

“Shit!” said the director. “OK, everyone, take evasive action! Keep filming! Sound? That goes for you, too.”

The air was suddenly filled with noxious fumes.

“I’m still filming!” shouted the cameraman, holding his proboscis and weaving in and out of the spray. “Got some great footage. It’s – ” He coughed violently and then started the long fall to earth.

“Dear oh dear,” said the producer. “Have you any idea how much that camera cost?”

Jonathan Pinnock blogs here; his novel “Mrs Darcy versus the Aliens” will be published by Proxima Books this Autumn.

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  1. #1 by Marisa Birns on March 12, 2011 - 3:51 pm

    Some people…err…insects have very difficult working conditions. :)

    Very amusing tale.

  2. #2 by Jonathan Pinnock on March 13, 2011 - 12:19 am

    Indeed they do. Thanks, Marisa :)

  3. #3 by Leah on March 13, 2011 - 5:21 am

    Wild! Very fun to read, Jonathon.

  4. #4 by Jonathan Pinnock on March 13, 2011 - 9:49 am

    Thanks, Leah!

  5. #5 by Catherine Edmunds on March 13, 2011 - 10:22 am

    Convincing and absurd in equal measure. Great stuff!

  6. #6 by John Ritchie on March 13, 2011 - 10:28 am

    Ha, ha. Very funny. Who’d be a fly, eh?

    Thanks for the laugh.

    John

  7. #7 by Eilidh Thomas on March 13, 2011 - 11:37 am

    It’s a tough job and a bit of silly fun right enough! Thanks for that. :) Eilidh

  8. #8 by Rachel Green on March 13, 2011 - 12:05 pm

    Splendid tale. Poor chaps!

  9. #9 by Sallie on March 13, 2011 - 12:58 pm

    Will never look at two flies crawling up a wall in quite the same way again. Good stuff, Mr P!

  10. #10 by Jonathan Pinnock on March 13, 2011 - 5:38 pm

    Thanks, everyone :)

  11. #11 by Tania Hershman on March 13, 2011 - 11:13 pm

    That’s just ridiculous – and very funny, loved it! Will pop it up on StorySunday on Twitter…

  12. #12 by Jonathan Pinnock on March 13, 2011 - 11:28 pm

    Gosh, thanks Tania!

  13. #13 by S de Assaf on March 14, 2011 - 9:51 am

    Loved it – found myself on the files
    side!

  14. #14 by S de Assaf on March 14, 2011 - 9:51 am

    ‘on the flies side’ duh!

  15. #15 by Nicola Slade on March 14, 2011 - 7:21 pm

    OK, where’s the footage then? That must have survived, surely?

  16. #16 by Jonathan Pinnock on March 16, 2011 - 9:58 am

    Thanks, S and Nicola! A team was sent in to retrieve the footage shortly after the incident. However, nothing has been heard of them since …

  17. #17 by Catt on March 18, 2011 - 9:14 pm

    I don’t usually like much dialogue but I enjoyed this. :)

  1. Fly on the Wall : Jonathan Pinnock’s Write Stuff

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