Love is the advert on the toilet door. It is the letter I sent to PO Box 332, not knowing if it existed, but I had a whole long list of secrets I needed to tell someone. Love is the reply I got saying ‘I think you got the wrong address, but here’s the number of a good counsellor’.
Love is the two years of therapy that helped me to say my own name out loud without feeling ashamed. It is the imaginary chair I pretended was my brother, and the letter I wrote to him that I ripped into confetti and threw at his wedding.
Love is the support group that helped me learn to hug again without feeling nauseous, and it’s the man who gave me a tissue every time I cried. It is the first date I went on after reading the toilet door. It is Prozac and temazepam and my self-harm scars.
Love is my best mate Sandra who gave me a place to stay, even though she’d juts had twins. Actually, love is her twins who don’t have a clue about the toilet door, or Prozac or my brother.
It is finally letting go of all this and walking down the road thinking that life’s not bad for a change. It is the postman who smiles at me, and a good breakfast with the Sunday papers and two boiled eggs while Sandra is upstairs getting the twins ready and I’m thinking maybe this is a good time to stop taking the Prozac. Yes, love is this moment. Right now.
Annie Clarkson is a poet and short fiction writer from Manchester, she blogs at http://www.forgettingthetime.blogspot.com
#1 by Catherine Cable on March 24, 2009 - 2:31 pm
I love this – it is so raw and so moving.
#2 by Michelle on March 24, 2009 - 7:16 pm
Yay! Love is Annie’s short shorts.
#3 by Chris H-E on March 24, 2009 - 9:17 pm
This is terrific, Annie.
Is there a little typo in there, “juts” for “just”?
#4 by Sue on March 25, 2009 - 11:52 am
Beautiful! It deserves the new publication..congrats!
#5 by Jenn on March 25, 2009 - 2:03 pm
well done – loved this, and looking forward to reading more!
#6 by susan stewart on March 30, 2009 - 10:36 pm
Powerful stuff Annie!